Marist Brothers Darlinghurst OBU - Humour

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They're  Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: 

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 The Fasting & Prayer Conference  includes meals.

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 The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:  'Searching for Jesus.'

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 Ladies,  don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those  things not  worth keeping around the house.

Bring your husbands.

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 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.

Say  'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. 

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 Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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 Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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 For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 

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 Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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 Irving  Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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 A bean  supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.

Music  will  follow.

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 At the  evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'  Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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 Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration

of some older ones.

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 Scouts are  saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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 Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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 The church will host an evening of  fine dining, super entertainment and  gracious  hostility.

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 Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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 The ladies  of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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 This  evening  at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from  the  Church. Bring a blanket and come

prepared to sin.

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 Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

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 The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake

breakfast next Sunday. 

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 Low Self  Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 

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 The  eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the  Church  basement Friday at 7 PM.

The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.